Paradoxical thoughts...

Memoirs of a Geisha. Four Brothers. Next, will be Fearless. =) It's been so long with HP IV being the last one!

In the middle of the movie, Farrah said "I wish you don't have to go back to KL". (she just doesn't want to lose another movie partner... hahahaaa..). I simply said "hhmmm..." while deep down I was wishing just for the same alas, it is not an option at the moment.

When we were at the museum, the 'conversation' took place. However, their starting sentence had rather put me on alert mode that they are about to make the 'conversation'.

Them: It's a rather fine day don't you think so?

Me: Indeed it is. *smile*

Them: A 'fine' day yes?

Me: *smile* Yes. It is a fine day. Go on and ask. I know you've wanted to get it out.

So, that's how everything started.

I have no idea sometimes where do I get the strength. At times... you simply feel tak larat. Tak larat sangat-sangat. To go on.

Is it for the faith I hold onto?

Is it for my family's sake?

Is it for my own life?

Last night I heard a hadith on IKIM.fm. It goes something like; hiduplah sepertimana kamu kehendaki tetapi ingatlah mati akan tiba, cintailah sesiapa yang kamu kehendaki tapi tapi ingatlah ia hanya sementara, buatlah sepertimana yang kamu kehendaki tetapi ingatlah kamu akan diadili. (I can't quite recall sebab it was in between my sleep)

I had a long, long pause all of a sudden. Lost in thought.

In Memoirs of a Geisha, there was one time Mr.Chairman said to Sayuri that if you receive happiness, it is a gift, not something you claim your right upon. Yes? No?

Everything in life, I want to treat them as blessings; be it in disguise or not. I'm constantly reminding myself of the word redha, sabar, tawakkal, yakin. Seseorang tidak akan diuji di luar kemampuan, insan terpilih, etc etc. It's just during certain moments you just wish to fall down to your knees and... be weak for once.

However, that's not really a wise option is it?

Life is about choices. We were given the free will to decide. Being human, as weak n unknowledgeable as we are we tend to make mistakes in life. I guess realizing this particular verity; it is easier to bury the hatchet.

Sometimes knowing our own self, we avoid venturing out there. Certain areas of your life are guarded carefully. It is not a matter of sealing things behind bars but, (to quote friends who knew me for a decade and since campus years), I do tend to be prim and proper, being levelheaded and take things around me into consideration for a long, long time and weighing consequences.

I'll take time and effort to think things over and I hardly rebel; which bring to the 'conversation' that I had yesterday; if in any case my decisions in recent years is out of unruliness deep in my heart. Of course to that I replied a firm 'NO'.

I find no cause to rebel. Slight mayhem perhaps and even that was done in school. Was the mastermind some more. Teruk ay. It did not went over boundaries just a few stands we needed to highlighted to the teachers. I know how some people view that it is not worth to stand up for yr friends in such manner and started questioning are they even blood-related to you; it's just that I am not one who will keep one eye shut when it comes to my friends. Anyways, that one in school we had a landslide victory. hehehee... nonetheless, along the years I did encounter friends who have disappointed me. But, lets not be the judge for that.

Be wise in life. Know your priorities. Nothing lasts anyway. Leave those who cared to judge aside; for as long you've achieved goals/dreams, remembering the next station, you have lived life. I don't believe that any sacrifices/efforts is a waste. Asalkan sincere dari awal dan nawaitu kita betul. Kita pun tak hope for anything in return, ye dak?

A favourite book I would love to get my hands on now is about Rabiatul Adawiyah. A remarkable lady.