The Feelings I Dread

On normal days I would usually maintain being poised. Lots and lots of patience. There are certain hours of the day that I simply turned into a lioness (?). Tuesday and Wednesday has been hard. Fh as usual pops out the "how was school?" Q & A but I just said everything was ok. I didn't felt like droning about the students and preferred to talk about something else.

I love my job. It's just that sometimes you feel so feeble when you can't reach out to certain students. They just won't listen. They are so stubborn and won't budge from being pigheaded. They are just not interested to study. And I am mad. Mad at them, myself, the system (?). Yes, I know there's nothing much to do now, but such feeling of helplessness sucks.

I had quite a frenzy situation yesterday. I know sometimes I display my annoyance rather openly but when I had student giving me the "aren't you scared the parents would come?" or "I never thought you're that garang" remark; somehow I felt maybe I did went overboard. But I can't just pretend I'm ok with such rabble-rouser. I have a choice of closing one eye and save me from lots of heartache or living and having to feel so ineffective being in the profession. I dread the choices I have to make daily when reprimanding these kind of students. It bugs me the whole night through.

I'm drained inside out daily. I love what I'm doing though. I just pray that all is well.