Eid ul-Fitr

I will be on a sabbatical. Have fun everyone! Thus, early wishes n here goes...

Selamat menyambut hari kemenangan umat Islam sekalian. Semoga jihad kita di bulan Ramadhan ini berjaya membuka lembaran hijrah baru buat diri kita, keluarga serta agama dengan kehadiran Syawal yang mulia. Salam dan doa ingatan tulus ikhlas.

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Permisi...

Yours truly akan ke luar daerah for about a week untuk beberapa urusan. Kira seminggu la tak akan berupdate nieh.

InsyaAllah sekembalinya saya akan berupdate kembali blog ini. Doakan saya selamat pergi dan kembali. Semoga urusan nanti segalanya berjalan dengan lancar dan apa yang dicita terlunas.

Mengendong rindu sarat di hati
Mengubat walang di sanubari
Bertemu mereka yang dikasihi
Silaturahim yang amat bererti

Sembang Ramadhan

Last night helped my Aunt to prepare some small mementos for jamuan in her school tomorrow. Since it's Ramadhan, no luncheon and all the food will be packed. We spent over two hours cutting the cakes and wrapping the dates and placing them into their packaging. Mengalahkan nak siapkan hantaran kahwin.

Ninth day of Ramadhan. Tenth night of tarawih.

How did we fare in the month of Ramadhan during our campus's life?

Apparently, I'm the only person that's very teruja about waking up for sahur. I just didn't want us to miss the pahala waking up for sahur, besides we need those carbo to sustain us throughout the day. I do have side-kicks taking turns coming down assisting me with the onions and all. I won't wake them up because that's one thing I never know how to (i.e waking people up), instead I'll just fry the salted fish first thing and minutes later someone will come join me in the kitchen. The whiff of the well-preserved salted fish can even wake the whole neighbourhood if we were to open the doors.

Sahur is always very simple. That's why I prefer to let the rest of my housemates sleep away for that few precious minutes. Besides the salted fish, we usually fry some popodum and cook veggies or soup. There's always sufficient stock of meat floss delivered by air-mail by someone's mother.

One morning, I remembered our next door neighbour tung-tang-tung-tang with their pestle and mortar. Pagi-pagi buat sambal belacan! heheheeee... things some people do to buka selera anak tekak pepagi kan.

As for iftar, I rarely cook since I'm sort of assigned to cater for sahur. Sometimes I still have to be the bidan terjun if everyone's having classes till the evening. Everyone will get their turn on what they want to be served for iftar. Chef of the day will ask the lucky one what she'd like for iftar. While three, four of us are busy with their pots and pans boiling and frying away; the rest of us will go down to the various stalls set-up and shop for some cakes and murtabaks. Ice is always a must to prepare the thirst-quencher.

By Maghrib everyone will be seated obediently whilst eyeing on which juadah to grab first. Rezeki orang berbuka kot, we are never lacking of food as the neighbours will exchange some iftar dishes they prepared themselves too. Sometimes we have guests coming over from other housing colleges. Memang meriah la time berbuka.

Those of Peninsular rarely miss home cooking since we can cook. We'll prepare pajeri nenas, bubur pulut hitam, singgang, variety of curry, kurma, tom yam etc.

There was one occasion where we combined an iftar project between three houses. The shopping took us a good half day! We prepared BBQ, laksa penang, mee curry, masak lodeh and nasi himpit. Cooking was segregated between three houses. Imagine if an item is missing kecoh tiga rumah nak cari menda yang hilang tuh. Walking back and forth between the three houses into their kitchens and front yard and back again memang riuh. It was fun though. By that time we all yang tak sabar-sabar nak raya akan pasang la pelita and lagu raya jugak.

I sure miss those times.

A discussion on concentration whilst performing the solat on IKIM.fm got me listening. Personally, I feel that kekhusyukan dalam solat adalah suatu nikmat yang amat berharga kerana ia adalah inayah yang tidak ternilai dariNya. I'm often lacking of it too. I find lotsa good reminders here. Ramai antara kita yang masih kabur tentang rukun solat, antara yang wajib dan sunat hai'ah @ ab'adh, dan dari pelbagai aspek lagi.

Ada satu ketika bekalan air dicatu dan seorang rakan bertanya bagaimana dengan soal wudhu as the water we have stored won't be sufficient for all. We then told her that dalam berwudhu wajib bagi kita untuk membasuh wajah dan kedua tangan, dan mengusap bahagian depan kepala dan kedua kaki. Perihal yang lain adalah sunat termasuk perbuatan membasuh tiga kali. It's just that at times bila 'darurat' as such, this sort of knowledge (read:antara wajib & sunat) comes in handy.

Puasa pun adalah antara amalan yang pahalanya ditentukan Allah sendiri. Orang tak tahu kita puasa ke tak. Yang puasa maybe nampak segar bugar, yang tak puasa nampak (buat-buat) lemah longlai. Puasa ibadah yang dinilaiNya, personally. Back to perihal solat tadi.

Imam Al-Ghazali menyatakan bahawa orang yang tidak khusyuk solatnya adalah dikira sia-sia belaka, kerana tujuan solat itu selain untuk mengingati Allah SWT, ia juga berfungsi sebagai alat pencegah dari perbuatan keji dan mungkar.

Ngeri jugak ya bila baca. Solat adalah ibadah utama yang akan dihisab terlebih dahulu berbanding amalan yang lain. Dan sekiranya solat itu sempurna baru lah dihitung pula amalan yang lain. Firman Allah:

"Peliharalah segala sembahyangmu dan peliharalah sembahyang utama (Asar, Subuh) dan berdirilah untuk Allah (melalui solatmu) dengan khusyuk" [Surah Al-Baqarah : ayat 238]

“Tidak Aku (Allah) jadikan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mengabdikan diri kepada-Ku. [Surah az-Zariyat : ayat 56]

Kejadian semalam...

First time in the month of Ramadhan we went to the Bazaar Ramadhan. I kept on reminding myself to bring the camera alas, I forget it somehow. We decided to go to the one operated by the North Kuching City Council (DBKU).

We had to go out since my transcript has arrived and needed to be collected in the post office. We bought my mum a new necklace too. Something that I knew she's always wanted. And need to beli hati dia la before breaking the news to her this weekend. I believe my mum is a good sport.

It is then we decided to drop by the bazaar. Ramai nya umat! I think we met no less than 15 people whom we knew. Suka jalan ngan my mum sebab dia pun kaki jalan jugak. Jumpa orang yang kenal, tarik pi tepi sat. Exchange greetings. Ada few times tuh, orang kat depan tetiba 'emergency brake'. Mata kita pulak dok ralit left and right. "Oh, nak bersalam rupanya."

At first we thought of skipping rice for dinner, so we bought la sugarcane juice, kuih muih berbagai, satay, rojak India, apom and some curry to go with it. Pusing punya pusing ada lah lam 4 kali bazaar tuh, then my mum tanya, "Sure you don't want to get any rice?" What the heck. I pun settled for some nasi beriani. Precisely that moment I knew we over-budgeted our dinner. I was actually torn in between all the bubur asyura, bubur lambuk, bubur pedas, nasi kerabu and laksa penang. =P Now, that's what I call rambang mata!

Food pricing is quite reasonable. Kuih muih range from 0.25-0.30. The kek lapis Sarawak yang colourful tuh pun cost about 0.40-0.60 a slice depending on the intricacy of their design. My favourite kuih keria is no where to be seen. Sangat sedih. Eyed some rencah bubur pedas and cakes to be brought over to KL nanti. Lauk pauk can be bought at RM2 and above. Mak beli sambal rebung RM1 sahaja. Ok lah kan. All in all, we spent less than RM15.

Food verdict: Semua tak sedap langsung. heh. Tak tau nak kata apa la. Komen tu komen, tapi tetap bersyukur gak.

Decided to replenish the date's stock. Mahal nya lah, RM30/kg. Bought some anyway. Glanced at the watch and hurried home. Mana tak, keluar lepas Asar pastu banyak pulak tentatif programnya.

Reached home just in time for iftar. Kelam kabut sampai lupa baca doa berbuka. Teguk ajer air tebu and bila nak popped in the kurma baru ingat, "Bismillahi awal wal akhiru.." heheheeee...

I am reminded of a friend of ours whenever we asked if she's said her doa makan, she'll always reply, "Saja nak bagi syaitan makan puas-puas dulu pastu muntah balik..." heh. Kejam.

Checked my mail and got a reply from dhilah. Thank you for all the many kind advices hun. You're a darling. Earlier this year dhilah accompanied me to meet up with Aunty Wynn. Aunty Wynn said she'll make a fine lawyer one day, and I believe so too. When I meet dhilah, I'm gonna give her a big hug and squeeze her breath out. In fact I'm gonna do that to everyone. Rindu giler dah.

After I manage to retain my composure despite all the smses harassing me, urging me to come down to KL for puasa n raya; I gave in when I received two calls from KL, I told myself "That's it lah!" I'm flying down there next week. My reason being is only to see my friends that I miss so much. And I only have 4 days to accommodate all. I do regret not having the time to come by KT, Machang, Segamat, Seremban, Melaka, Perak and Penang. I have some really good friends there. There's always next time. InsyaAllah.

I found this really interesting site that I'd like to share. Click on.

Doa harian Ramadhan ke-8. (from here)

O Allah, on this day, let me have mercy on the orphans, and feed [the hungry], and spread peace, and keep company with the noble­minded, O the shelter of the hopeful

Ramadhan ini...

Temasya sudah bermula
Kemeriahan makin terasa
Seruan bergema
Menyeru manusia
Mengukuhkan jiwa
Menguatkan ghazirahnya
Mengasah tamyiznya
Bertaqarrub padaNya

Siangnya berpuasa
Dijauhi ghibah
Hening malam
Dihiasi qiam
Bertasbih dan tahmid
Berzikir lidah dan hati
Iktikaf bertalafuz pada Al-Waajid
Menghisab insafi diri

Mengharap maghfirah
Mendamba sakinah
Taufik inayah
Meningkatkan taqwa
Mencari redha
Setiap perihal
Moga tetap istiqamah
Dalam mengatur langkah

Ramadhan kan lebih bererti
Seandainya ada hijrah diri

O Allah, on this day, help me with its fasts and prayers, and keep me away from mistakes and sins of the day, grant me that I remember You continously through the day, by Your assistance, O the Guide of those who stray.

Ramadhan Ke-6

Grandma summoned for my presence yesterday.

I knew it was laxity on my side for not visiting her for almost a month now. I've been very busy and yes it was a little remorseful since she shouldn't have needed to ask of my whereabouts.

Stopped by after iftar.

Was already told that some of my uncles/ aunts and their sons/daughter in laws are there. Meriah giler suasana. Upon my arrival, my aunt told me that everyone in the house's been wondering where I have been. I did felt bad. Excused myself, and went up to meet my grandma. Showed her some convo pics and talked to her for almost an hour. Lama tuh. Usually we'd chat for about 15-20mins je.

Switched on the air-cond. Massage her a little. Assist her with her meals. Updates.

Felt a little better. Promised myself not to MIA this way again.

Got a call to attend a second round of interview just minutes ago.

Ayah memang tak bagi la ambik keja nieh. Pasai working hours dia 0300-0900. Though 6 jam sehari tapi such odd hours. Selama nieh, memang I jarang la say no kalau ayah tak bagi tapi teringin gak nak cuba yang nieh. I know it's gonna be very tiring tapi the nature of the job sangat interesting. Plus, I was astounded when I went for the interview; the people there were in our circle of camaraderie. Pendek kata kawan-kawan la jugak. So, kalau dapat, tak la boring.

Pasai pa time keja dia lagu tuh? Pasai keja nieh bagi tutoring kat budak-budak dari satu negara yang time zone nya dua belas jam beza dari kita di sini. Takut gak sebenarnya sebab ya la, budak-budak nieh advance sikit pemikiran depa. Dah la depa jenis yang sikit-sikit saman. Haghuuu... pasai tuh nieh kena taip lam BM, sat gi ada yang surf mai sini, mampoih la.

Bukan apa, saja nak try. Tengok la dulu. Tak tentu dapat lagi pun. Baru nak second interview. Anggap la tambah pengalaman.

Nak pi bazaar ka dak ari nieh ya? Tak penah pi lagi. Lom ada teringin nak pi. Boleh la pi dua,tiga tempat sat gi no. Ambik gambaq boh lam blog.

We're moving onto the second phase of Ramadhan soon.

Selamat beribadah.

O Allah, on this day, do not let me abase myself by incurring Your disobedience, and do not strike me with the whip of Your punishment, keep me away from the causes of Your anger, by Your kindness and Your power, O the ultimate wish of those who desire.

Mengimbau Kenangan

It is at times like this, I missed KT so much that I just want to fly down there.

How I loved the serenity that surrounds that little abode.

I'm often telling my friends that you can't really comprehend the meaning of moderateness till you experience a situation yourself.

MasyaAllah...

25 Ramadhan 1424

Depart KLIA : 0700
Arrival KT : 0745

Waited for a while then I saw them. Kak Mi took my luggage, and Ma showered me with kisses. If feels nice to be 'home'.

The first place I was brought to was a small hut, where a small-scale production of kuih akok was going on.
( pancake like, made from duck eggs, brown sugar, screwpine leaves and coconut milk. Baked in a special "bahulu" like copper case heated over light fire. Look simple and perhaps simple ingredients too, but only the most skillful pastry-maker could bring out the real flavour and smooth melting-in-the-mouth texture )

I was definitely amused with the amount of eggs and sugar they used. Bought a few for iftar. Then we went home. The rest were only due to arrive in the next few days prior to Syawal. Renovation is still going on to fits us all in the house once everyone's 'checked in'.

Once the children arrived, I'm often running out of breath gomol-ing each and every of the little ones. Being the youngest of all, I'm their Acik since they already have a Pak Su. And my, how the children really loved to screamed "Acik Fatihah!" at the top of their lungs. Ya la, Aciknya suka rajin nak layan. And the girls will always insist on taking bath with me "...sebab Acik ada sabun best." Ya, simply because yours truly grab along a bottle of shower foam. So, mandi time is often at a span of at least 30mins. Still, I accommodate those little devils. Hey, mandi kemban la. Ter-obscene laks.

Tarawih every night is an awaited affair. It's refreshing to note a difference in the tarawih performed in the surau I went to. There's a break between the sessions whereby a short tazkirah about 20-25mins will be delivered by someone and it's good to be reminded about the barakah of Ramadhan and what we should concentrate on towards the end of it. Daytime is also filled with many preparations for the coming Syawal. We even went to Rusila for some religious speeches. I find it very enriching and definitely a new experience for me. Ma will always recite the Quran every night, without fail, whilst everyone is already tucked nicely in bed. Antara bacaan yang paling tulus I've heard. And I'll usually stay awake till she finishes her recitation.

I shared a room with Bibik. I'm amazed and ashamed of myself, all the same. Bibik so rajin to perform all the sunat prayers before and after each solat fardu. Me? I can't remember the sequence so I only perform the two rakaat sunat rawatib muaakad before Subuh and after Isya'. Takpe, yang penting apa-apa amal, kena istiqamah. Step by step ya. olat fore Subuh and after Isya'y perfirm the two rakaat Sunat Ba'ach fardu. Me? I can'th all the visits. le taking turns with k

I'm very well-fed with all the local cuisine during iftar going-on to Syawal. I'm not an adventurous person so it took me quite some time to adjust to the gastronomic adventure. My first attempt to the laksam had acquired the assistance of some rendang to 'kill' the taste of the gravy that is not quite to my liking.

Commotions during meals before the crack of dawn are also unavoidable. The little ones would be fed with their eyes closed. So adorable. You need to force them to eat or else there's no way that they can stand fasting throughout the day. The children fast at the age 4 years old. How cool is that ay? They can even recite the doa makan plus the translation. Alhamdulillah. And as the men left for the nearby surau, some of the little girls would gather around to pray with me as their imam.

The night before Syawal is as meriah as any households. We were still sewing and ironing till middle of the night while taking turns with kitchen works. The men of the house and children were busy with their pelita, lemang and satay.

Syawal serves its purpose as a time to foster ties, rekindling rapports. After the prayers, we went to the cemetery, spent some time there and off to some ziarahs here and there.It’s ziarah-home-tidur-ziarah-home-mandi-ziarah again. I was practically whispering quiet prayers to be given the strength to go on and on with all the visits. It is something you just have to bear with. After all, it's only a once a year occasion.

Third day was Raya in Perak.

The strongest impact on me while in KT is menghayati erti kesederhanaan yang sebenar. Never anywhere have I gone through the sort of humility portrayed by the people I just met for the first time in my life. Life is really very simple to them. They do not wish more but to gather Allah's redha upon them, daily. Touched, yes.

Till this day, recalling those days; will at all times bring my heart close to change tack. It will always serve as a cue in remembering my roots and the purpose to be alive on this earth.

InsyaAllah, Amin.

Purpose Driven Life

I guess I am a sentimental person by nature. No matter how resolved I am trying to solidify the heart, the soul refuse somehow to comply with such idea.

I am also better at putting down my words rather than verbally communing them across.

I like to lie down and ponder on stuffs. The stillness of the night is my favourite time. There's a reason why lots of hikmah are present during a third of the night. A reason why we’re encouraged to be awake to perform ibadah. Personally, I feel that that's the time when my heart is at its most delicate shape. When HE speaks and I'll listen. Instead of the usual me doing most of the talking.

I'm reading Taqarrub Mencari Jalan Kebahagiaan at the moment. Written by Al Habib Muhammad Bin Abdullah Al Idrus and originally entitled Idlah Asrari Ulumul Muqarrabin (Penjelasan Rahsia Ilmu Muqarrabin). Do get your hands on this book too. It is among the most concise written book to serve as a guide and reminder. It covers most of our life's aspect and virtues we need to uphold while remaining as a steadfast Muslim. This book is translated and a bit on the berbunga-bunga bahasa side. There're lotsa terms used that may need us to refer to any ustaz/ustazah. Nevertheless, it is quite simple and straight forward and is still one of my most treasured possessions.

We are the products of our past, but we don't have to be prison of it. People hold onto hurts and never got over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, we rehearse it over and over again in our minds. (And we thought we’d forgive though not necessarily forget?).

Those who hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold onto the pain through resentment (and we say we do not resent). The past is past. Yes? No? Are we being a bitter maid by reflecting on what had happened?

Many people are driven by the need for approval. They allow other people expectations to control their lives, be it parents, spouses, children etc. Many adults are still trying to earn the approval of unpleasable parents. I don’t know all the keys to success, but one of the keys to failure is trying to please everyone.

There, how's that for a food for thought?

I finished reading four books in 2 days. Two really good books I'd recommended are Double Standards-Judith McNaught and Tell Me Your Dreams-Sidney Sheldon. Please, please do read these books. I was in tears reading Double Standards and got my eyes glued and deep in thoughts when reading TMYD.

Am still looking forward for the rest of the days in Ramadhan. May Allah's grace and guidance be upon us all.

Happy moments, praise Allah.
Difficult moments, seek Allah.
Quiet moments, worship Allah.
Painful moments, trust Allah.
Every moment, thank you Allah

Pre-Ramadhan

InsyaAllah, Ramadhan will begin tomorrow. Tarawih prayers will start tonight.

Surah Al-A'la tak refresh lagi caner?

Emotional roller coaster? Perhaps. It doesn't mean anything. Really. Just that, maybe I was 'longing' to keep someone company too.

The Big D. Ok ke? Ntah la. Ironically, during all my visits to KL, I've never really paid any attention to this particular son of theirs. Sampai la nieh pun tak tau rupa dia caner. Tau-tau dah cerai, then somehow developed an admiration for me. Haru jugak nieh... for obvious reasons you see. I really do not want to do/say something that would jeopardize my relationship with their family as we're really close. At the moment am setting a barrier between both of us. Plus, ten years difference between us. I can't be too rigid sebab ketentuanNya sapa yg tahu right?

Be careful if u make a woman cry, because God counts her tears.

The woman came out of a man's rib.

Not from his feet to be walked on.

Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal.

Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.

-Hebrew Talmud

Dia? I can't deny this enduring feeling. Again, he's asking me to come to KL in the nearest future. How?

Is this love for real? Is someone really capable of being in love this much?

It is simply just him..

Monday Blues

What a title for a post. So much for a renewed spirit that's suppose to come with the blog. =P

Ramadhan will either be tomorrow or the day after. I'm sure that by now, most households have updated their inventories.

Like any other Muslims, I am also looking forward to the coming of this Holy Month, or also deemed as Month of a Thousand Months. This is the time where our every little bits of amal will be increased by many folds.

It is not just the time to go after the pahala, but this is also the time to reflect upon oneself on how the past year has been. This is also the time where doas are considered most mustajab.

Life always takes the most unexpected turn.

There's so much to blab about that I have no idea where to start.

I can talk about last week's usrah. Or the Board dinner that we attended on Saturday. Or the coming berbuka plans. Or him. *sigh* This saga seems to go on forever. But we're too far apart to mend things, even if there's a chance to. My life is really dull as a matter of fact. heh. Seem to be slow too since the fasting month is close approaching.

Anyways,

Selamat menyambut ketibaan Ramadhan al-Mubarak muslimin dan muslimat sekalian.

2:185
Ramadhan is the (month) in which was sent down the Qur'an, as a guide to mankind, also clear (Signs) for guidance and judgment (Between right and wrong). So every one of you who is present (at his home) during that month should spend it in fasting, but if any one is ill, or on a journey, the prescribed period (Should be made up) by days later. God intends every facility for you; He does not want to put to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful.

شَهْرُ رَمَضَانَ الَّذِيَ أُنزِلَ فِيهِ الْقُرْآنُ هُدًى لِّلنَّاسِ وَبَيِّنَاتٍ مِّنَ الْهُدَى وَالْفُرْقَانِ فَمَن شَهِدَ مِنكُمُ الشَّهْرَ فَلْيَصُمْهُ وَمَن كَانَ مَرِيضًا أَوْ عَلَى سَفَرٍ فَعِدَّةٌ مِّنْ أَيَّامٍ أُخَرَ يُرِيدُ اللّهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلاَ يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ وَلِتُكْمِلُواْ الْعِدَّةَ وَلِتُكَبِّرُواْ اللّهَ عَلَى مَا هَدَاكُمْ وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ

Starting afresh

The past few weeks left my state of mind in uttermost weariness. Even preparing my thesis did not take such a toll on me. Moving unto another new blog seems like the most appropriate thing to do. To start anew.

The decision to put the previous blog to rest seems only right, since I was at the verge of depression and not wanting to stir further the wrath within I needed a fresh start.

It'd be unfair to let dear visitors coming to an abandoned blog. Thus the goodbye note for that very moment.

The passion to blog will never wither. Blogging has always been close to the heart. Will always be. I got acquainted with many great and dear friends thru blogging.

I first posted an entry in Nov 2003, and today is October 1st; two good years of blogging.

Life's Chapters (insyaAllah) will be a precursor on the renewal of fortitude and frame of mind.