Of Buddies...

It's always bracing to hear from your buddies.

Biarpun ada yang decide to start it with some lawak bodoh (yes you hun!). Free-free you kena maki I, bukan semua orang dapat tau. =P

Was in touch with some buddies from uni days, and yes, it's nice to know of their updates. At least I know they're alive and kicking.

Things got me thinking. Break-ups are tough. Not just for the said couples but also the people around them. I'm sure each and every one of us has been the friends to the one who dump and the ones who got dumped. Either way we usually stick up for our pals. There maybe either empathy or wrath for the other party, but still the one dearest to us would be our own friends.

I was just thinking that it IS a very difficult subject. There really isn't a definite yes or no. Actions, decisions can be justified in many ways. Reasoning is always available no matter how illogical it may seem.

There's no right way of doing it. There maybe some unwritten rules on how to lay matters on the table but still, a needle or a blade, it will still hurt somehow.

Than again, what is the world without hurdles kan?

At career paths, partners, faith, family, friends, as long we tread on the journey of life, key decisions are bound to be made on the expenses of some opportunity cost.

Weekend is here. Yeay! Wait for some interesting posts next week!

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Self-confessed Addict

Back from school is dashing to the dinner table and then slouch on the couch. My Mum and I don't eat out anymore instead we tapau-ed so that we won't miss our favourite show. The show kicks off at 7pm with a Mandarin soap, The Mischievous Princess. On different nights would be lots and lots of comedy such as My Wife & Kids, Still Standing, King of Queens and the likes of it, Charmed, Desperate Housewives, Judging Amy, Less Than Perfect, and then the various talkshows especially on Thursday there's Forum Perdana and Hijrah Remaja. All of a sudden I'm hooked on this little square box. Well, who can blame all the good line-ups? I gave up following Grey's Anatomy, The O.C., North Shore, Kingdom Hospital, Smallville (?). I just can't cope. Day or night it would be MTV when there's nothing else to watch. =D

Yesterday something really funny happened in school. We had to cancel assembly due to the pouring rain. So form teachers had to sit in their respective classes. I was at my desk preparing for the oral tests when there was a sudden clamor in class with some laughing and shrieking. I knew where that coming was because previously I noticed some boys trying to jet down a lizard. Why spoil the fun since the rain was so heavy and a little uproar once in a while is ok to me.

I got up and walked towards the only boy who dares to hold lizard. Using my veto power I brushed the boy aside and grab the lizard (both tail and body) with my bare hands. And this boy, Albert is one of the big bullies in class, so I grab him by the shirt trying to put the lizard's body into his shirt. He was scared stiff and was panicky trying to rid off the lizard. I had quite a time maintaining a straight face while the others were giggling away. There were even suara-suara sumbang exclaiming, "Masuk kat hidung dia cikgu!" heheheee... I am mean. The lizard didn't go in his shirt; I dropped it on his shoulder je. See who's the big bully now ay? =P

The whole mess was amusing in a way. I took the lizard's tail and put it in front of me. I warned the class to sit down quietly or else they’ll find the tail on their table. It was then like the angel of death swept by. Then I can afford a smile and thought to myself, this is the only time I've seen them behaving like some 13 year olds. Before this semua nak tunjuk macho n hebat, dengan cicak pun cuak.. heheee.. kantoi big time ngan I.

I knew the class was surprised with my spontaneous act. I bet they didn't see that coming nor ever expected a young lady to be that disgusting. =P I held a cicak for goodness sake. At times these kids get on my nerves, but altogether they craft comical scenes at times and brighten my days.

All my life I think the only creature I cannot handle are leeches. I don't mind holding them but I hate them. Three years being in and out the forest, ALHAMDULILLAH I've never been bitten by one. I took every possible measures to avoid a meeting with one, including never parting with tight and thick socks, and even taking bath with sabun serai wangi (Pelargonium citrosum). Lintah or pacat nieh creepy lah sebab they suck blood.

I had a great weekend last week, and insyaAllah am looking forward to another dinner date this weekend. At a favourite place of mine. Yummy!

Oh, there's this new mini mart opened in the neighbourhood and they are selling imported chocs at a rather slashed price. I think it's because the owner got them from Labuan and the price are so much more attractive compared to the ones you get at the airport. Now, that's another craving satisfied. =D

Another month to go before I end this teaching stint. hhmmm...

** Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days...

In my well...

Is it unrealistic to wish for someone who's capable to sweep me off my feet? I don't want to be an idealistic but it seemed I tend to (is that bad?). An assurance is that when you take that sit, it is not for the reason that of having to fill the void but because you've added value to my life and you've taught me things I never knew existed. No any papers would do it justice then.

It's tough to finally have someone you're able to look up to. Is it any different from admiration and liking? Baini wrote in her blog that falling in love needs NO particular reason. You can do a list of ticks of what he has and still the sparks are not quite there. It happens when it happens. It's not the thing of the mind, but of the heart. A feeling, only felt.

Needing no reason to fall in love... hhmmm... Maybe a sudip kayu? I have no reason to fall for a sudip kayu. heh.

I'm afraid it will spell out as betrayal. Hani told me to avoid perfidy in any possible ways. No matter how minor and unavoidable it may be. I know I can do this given the time.

I once love with my heart. Now I'm not quite sure I'm willing to risk it all again. Nothing, it's just that I feel it's really taxing for the mind and soul. It's tiring. That's all.

One day when you have access to this blog, please understand that these are just ramblings of the past. It does not necessarily reflect present time. It is one of those time me needing to go down my well for some emotional housecleaning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Me lunch me cook lasagna today. Yummy. My second time at it. Am at cooking spree. Last weekend baked two cheesecakes for tea time at my aunt's. She even went to the extent of preparing some bbq too for the evening.

Was browsing through Friendster and I saw all the pics my bro took. He's enjoying himself tremendously there. I'm glad I gave him my camera. Under his list of people he wishes to meet were our parents, myself and my late grandma. *sigh* I miss that brat! Though we just called him two days ago. I'm always amused with his sense and idea of humour. =D

I want to watch GUBRA. Who to drag?

I guess I'll drag Farrah n Baini out this weekend. Been two weeks since we last hang out. I'm still determined to try the new Southern Indian Restaurant. =D

I have cravings for many things. Ice-creams, yoghurts, raisins, chocs, everything! My mum has gone on a diet, and back to her exercise routine. I weight myself constantly too considering my eating habits lately and yet again last night, "aahhh, maintain..." thus tak perlu lah exercise dulu. *excuses* Tunggu la dah tua then regret. =P

(note:seterusnya ini adalah luahan rasa marah, bukan bangga mahupun terharu)

I'm thankful I'm teaching the lower secondary at this particular school. These older students simply do not have any manners to egg on their teachers. Biadap. Of course they won't do much beyond the whistles, monkey-acts and stupid endearments but still... *sigh* the things teachers have to face daily.

** Thankful...

Kids...

We are in the midst of beautifying the class. We re-do the time tables, duty rooster, and filling up the notice boards with articles. All the usual normal stuffs you do.

One day, a student of mine approached me and told me that L had brought some paint to school as the both of them planned to re-paint the walls. I was pleasantly surprised with L's generosity as I was still waiting for my next pay-check to purchase some paints.

I went in the class to have a look at the paint n the both of them innocently showed me a really small bottle of white paint. I was speechless. I tried to hide my (surprised) feelings and asked them, "well, did you bring any brush?" and they produced one of those tiny brush you used in painting classes. I still managed to hide my daze reaction pretty well, and simply said I'll bring a larger brush then we start painting the walls. I smiled and they seemed so pleased that I was in a way appreciative of their efforts.

I do. And by what had happened there're many lessons to be learnt. How green these young minds are actually. Some of them proved to be smarter for kids their age and some are just still learning. It is something to not discriminate or judge people. To paint a vast amount of wall with a bottle of paint and a mini brush. I'm amusingly startled truly. The way I see it is how a teacher respond to her surroundings can pretty much affect the students' self-esteem and mindset. It takes a certain amount of wisdom and familiarity to handle daily occurrence in school. I'm not implying I'm smart nor good around kids, I do make mistakes and slight misjudgments; I learnt not to regret too much and bounce back an experience richer.

I think there's much to be learnt. Not to have regrets. Not to be bothered as some things are indeed better left unsaid. To forgive and to love. To appreciate. To be thankful. That life is short and it is not the wealth of this world that we are after. That women are like waves. There are certain moments. There are ups and downs in life. Embrace happiness when it has finally arrived. Sharing with those who are willing to give and receive and values them.

Here are some pics from the kenduri last Saturday night. The food were yummy!! When will I hold one for my own child ay? =P huhuuu... berangan..

Mya Hanna and her Mak Ngah. Turut menyibuk is Ammar yang nakal (hensem la mamat nih)



Joyahs in session

The Veil

They say, "Oh, poor girl, you're so beautiful you know"

It's a shame that you cover up your beauty so."

She just smiles and graciously responds reassuringly,

"This beauty that I have is just one simple part of me.

This body that I have, no stranger has the right to see.

These long clothes, this shawl I wear, ensure my modesty.

Faith is more essential than fashion, wouldn't you agree?"

This hijab,

This mark of piety,

Is an act of faith, a symbol,

For all the world to see.

A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.

So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

They tell her, "Girl, don't you know this is the West and you are free?

You don't need to be oppressed, ashamed of your femininity."

She just shakes her head and she speaks so assuredly,

"See the bill-boards and the magazines that line the check-out isles,with their phony painted faces and their air-brushed smiles?

Well their sheer clothes and low cut gowns they are really not for me.

You call it freedom, I call it anarchy."

This hijab,

This mark of piety,

Is an act of faith, a symbol,

For all the world to see.

A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.

So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

Lift the veil from your heart and seek the heart of purity.

-Dawud Wharnsby Ali-

What Did I Do Today...

Oh the moon has come, the day is done,
the night has covered up the sun,
I have stood so often before you to pray,
but I wonder Allah, tell me, what did I do today?
Did I remember the words of Al-Fatihah?
Did I take time to thank you for all that I have?
Did I call on you to guide my way?
Tell me what did I do today?

I have whispered to you as I made Ru'ku
Subhana Rabey'yal Adheem.
But was my faith bright or grey?
Oh Allah, tell me, what did I do today?
Did I smile at my brother?
Was I kind to my Mother?
Did I teach another something I know?
Or did my love of this world lead me astray?
Tell me what did I do today?

Sami Allah hu liman hamida
Rabbana Lakal Hamd.
Sami Allah hu liman hamida
Rabbana Lakal Hamd.

Though I've bowed to you with my face in the dust,
Subhana Raby'yal a'la.
The blessings you give I could never repay.
Oh Allah, tell me, what did I do today?
Did I use my time?
Did I use my mind?
If I search my heart what will I find?
The light of your guidance is a glimmering ray,
Tell me, what did I do today?
Oh Allah, Tell me what did I do today?

Among my all-time favourite. Beautiful lyrics kan? He's a singer of many lovely nasheeds.

Get a sample of its flash here.

May I suggest Kau Kekasihku by Anis Ayuni for a good BM read. I won't say her novels are great, the storyline is pretty so-so, but she still managed to keep some suspense for her readers. All I knew I was keen on arriving the final page. In between all the cookings and preparations yesterday, I'd flipped through its pages and Dad giving me stares. heheee... It was pure satisfaction reading good novels. I've read all her novels, not all are recommended, and my other favourite is Gemersik Kalbu.

And visit here for some good bargains.

Have a nice day all...

Salam Maulidur Rasul

Me trying to do a review on Rasulullah's sirah won't do justice to all the great things he has done. I enjoyed sirah presented on IKIM.fm, and am continuing enjoying the night as they played lots of songs from past years especially from Raihan and Hijjaz and Dawud Wharnsby Ali.

Selawat dan salam ke atas Rasulullah, semoga kita beroleh syafaat baginda dengan cara mengikuti ajaran al-Quran dan as-Sunnah.

~'~'~'~'~'~

I've just finished preparing the crossword puzzle for Form 1 & 2 for the upcoming Language's Month. After this I have to set papers for History and Bahasa Melayu. Actually despite how tiring it is, I kinda like the exams season. I enjoy the preparations involved right up to keying in marks. It's quite rousing. heheee... no, I don't get comfort from the thought of torturing students by setting tough questions, but it's just... a thrill somehow.

During class tadi, a student out of the blue sang Bunga Bunga Cinta by Misha Omar (we were learning the sajak Negeri Cinta-the love for our country Malaysia, nice poem). Am now wondering whether I should get the class to have some karaoke sessions. BM songs only, since I’m teaching BM. In a school where I taught English last year, we did do some singing-pop songs lagi. hahaaa... though I love singing as much, I don't dare to start teaching syair yet, because I think I've lost the skills. hahahaaa... I don't think I can lagukan the syair properly, and some of the stanzas are long (!). And how do I get the students to participate, confirm sorang pun tak nak volunteer. But, I will have to cover them somehow kan?

I thought of entering a contest or sort and texted a friend who has got some foundation about it. It goes something like:

Me: hey N, blablablaaa...
N: hi. blablablaa...been busy lately...blablablaa...serious? what are you going to blablaaa... cinta terhalang (forbidden love)? kidding, don't take it seriously. so, blablablaaa...

No one has brought this up for a long, long time.

Well, I didn't thought it'd still affect me so.

Anyways, it could have made a storyline but how boring will that be? V.E.R.Y... V-E-R-Y.

Sama tetapi tidak serupa. 5, 10, 20, years down the road? Still, andai ada yang begitu kasih apa yang diragui? How naively, dumbly, honest can I get to be so frank about the past? Well, he asked-for the record. heheee.. I am SO hiding this url for future references. Thank God, I'd changed a few times and was never asked about it anymore. Or, I'll delete/ hide this entry. hahahaaa...

My cousin is getting engaged tomorrow. His gf's parents are here for a small kenduri we're having tomorrow.

And... I am always getting this. Most of the time people would have guessed that I'm from Perak. Teman ada ghuper iye? I'm actually on messaging terms with a junior of mine who's in her final semester, and suddenly she asked where am I from. There're people saying I'm from Perak, KL, Melaka, Terengganu pun ada; so she just wanted to confirm sebab she thought I'd told her I'm a Sarawakian. heh. Usually it's the west coast lah, east coast jarang, tak secomel mek-mek sana. =D

Oh, TV time...

** Hanya Tuhan saja bisa menentukan segalanya. Sabar ya...

Just rambling on...

I think the excitement on the 9th Malaysian Plan and all has not quite subsided. Yes? I am among the poyo ones to take note of some details too. Later that night after the Plan was announced, I was burning midnight oil berangan with buddies via texts. hahaaa...

I was not able to do much during the last examination but this time I'm determined to increase the percentage of passing and better grades for my students. Oh no, I don't believe in nurturing exam-oriented (only) students too. I encourage freedom of thoughts, quizzes, presentations, not just the 'Circle A, B, C or Ds'. I guess frequent assessments are better than frequent studying. My meaning is to do bits by bits and accumulating them permanently in their brain cells. Rather than one whole load the week before exam. I'm teaching among the most boring subjects in school and it's not easy to grab their attention. When they give me their utmost attention, I pulak nervous. heh. Seriously, I do (heheee..kantoi). I'd go like "why are their eyes not blinking, oh no, did I say out that fact right, are they gonaa bombard me with questions now?" heheee...

I just hope that our teachers' zest for teaching will not fade. It's difficult to maintain the gusto after years and years of teaching, the various changes in implementations, ever-changing system, parents' pressure and meddling in a not-so-helpful way, kids menaces, yadaa yadaa... after teaching all year round, the long school break is something they earned and deserved, not just any plus side. During the holidays the teachers have to come down for meetings and other matters too. Siapa kata jadi guru zaman millennium nie senang. Stress when fikir about your responsibility to build up the human capital for the nation. There are are bound to be some bad heads, but which organisation doesn't? Everyone has an equally vital role to play to get moving. Kena ada yang jadi cikgu, ada yang jadi exec, manager, journalist, jadi postman, jadi clerk, jadi CEO etc, kan? Semuanya satu amanah.

Well, you are after all reading a part time teacher's blog. =P

I'll be enjoying a 6 days leave this week. Tomorrow is Maulidur Rasul. Friday we'll be having another public holiday in conjunction with Good Friday then the weekend and Monday is occasional holiday for Easter Monday. Such long break... *sigh* Dengki btol that two minahs for not allowing me there. heh.

Am I regretting for not flying over, because this 'burden' is killing me. =P It could have unravel most of the things on my mind. hhmmm... Alhamdulillah I have choices when many are not even stuck with an option.

There's an aqiqah event to attend anyway on Saturday. I wouldn't want to miss this too for sure.

** Hadirmu mengubah segalanya

Of School, Teachers and Students

The title pretty much sums up what my life has revolved on for the past two weeks.

As soon the exams ended, it was time for form teachers to key-in marks, post-exam analysis, and filling in report cards. All these in the midst of doing lesson planning, marking homeworks, teaching and various other classes' affairs.

When all aforementioned was done, it's time to set questions for the first term paper. We had just launched the Bulan Budi Bahasa and in two weeks time we're launching the Bulan Bahasa. It's not that I didn't want to assist but I just had to turn it down to do trainings for the choir and whatever visits and camps. Too occupied.

Not helping when three students in my class were suspended for 3 days, 10 days and a fortnight each. They got an earful from me before I released their letters. Kids nowadays...

And yesterday I've just seized a letter filled with obscene languages and felt sick reading it. It sounded like a psycho pervert is on the loose and the person who wrote it is only 13. I've not called the parents yet, and I'm waiting for further opinions from our Afternoon Supervisor. I was a student before too.. naughty I don't mind, I believe everyone will grow up to be orang anyway given the chance and changed circumstances in the future (hey,we'll never know) and several times I've bend the rules for the students, but such attitude is something that makes me *speechless*.. it was a sickly written letter! Period.

Every evening I'm dead beat by the time I reached home, and I only thought of hitting the sack asap.

In school, I had to wait for an hour and a half before meeting commenced. I was just very disappointed somehow with the way some people work at times. *sigh*

Choices. Decisions.

I for one am bad at them. And now, being at crossroads I'm spoilt for choices. Istikharah, yes I know. Still, the anxiety and choices (heheee..) adds to the hype a little. Perhaps I have a little too much fervor. No doubt it's the turning point now, and I don't think I'll have that much regrets either way. Yang tu minat, yang ini sayang tapi cenderung arah yang satu lagi juga. I hate myself for being tamak like this. More details? Moh la YM... heheheee...

At the J*M yesterday, I had a slight 'heart attack'. I had buffaloes in my tummy. Sabor jer lah... =)

**Praying for safe arrival