Shedding some light

I was flipping channels for the prime news last night. What Datuk Seri Mohd. Nazri said in Parliament triggered me to do a posting. I had to put aside for a moment my dear novel. It really bugged me.

They want to make it obligatory for new converts to inform their family. During the telecast from Parliament Datuk Seri Mohd. Nazri said something like a human right is no longer solely his/her right if it is going to impinge on the rights of others, thus there is a need for certain guidelines on how to go about. True enough, conversion to Islam affects many areas such as the sanctity of marriages between different religion partners, inheritance, children's custody, yadaaa yadaaa...

I understand the logics, arguments, and their point but, but, but...

Still... I was upset.

Again, I think, things are easier said than done. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul (the load may see heavy to the naked eyes but it is the one who shoulder the load who would actually know it feels).

Let's be realistic and speak from a lower ground here. Leave all the constitutions, law-makers at the level where they are.

Conversion is such a big turning point in one's life. Be it into any religion. However, personally I feel there are more that is acquired of us when we choose the path of Islam, it being an agama fitrah. Simple example is the wind of change in how you dress, consumption and prayers.

As open as nowadays people claim their mentality to be, believe me, conversion is never a not-so-sensitive issue to juggle with. That there are still some people who 'look down' on converts. Various ways of being prejudice.

- he/she is trying to be (deemed as) too Islamic

- he/she is only converting to tie the knot

- he/she will still be the old same him/her and won't be able to blend in as Muslims

- he/she may grip onto traditions and can't be good Muslims

How sad can that be? Maybe minority but still... While there are MANY organisations around, how many actually are down at the fields? After the conversion, what's next? How do we assist? How keen are we, and how much are we willing to do?

This is an issue that is close to my heart for I have seen and experienced. I was judged before the meeting. I hold no grudges because I have always known these are how things are, and I was a wee bit unfortunate I didn't see it coming. When your family background's are brought into the light, how to fend yourself? It is a big blow to one's self-esteem. Did I ask to be stuck in this? I'm not lamenting on what came about, but as hurtful as it is, it happened and stays as a part of the memory.

It is so easy to judge, why they can't reveal they have converted? There are many possibilities to consider.

- will the family accept with an open heart?

- will these converts still have roofs over their head?

- can they fend for themselves for a decent meal on the table?

- where is the loving, support and encouragement going to come from? no one can ever love you like your own family, no matter under any circumstances.

For all the above, should one postpone one's conversion though hidayah is there? If he/she dies before reciting the syahadah? What is the justification then?

Converting is a tough and major call to make. Is he/she a disobedient child just because he/she yet to gather enough courage to come clean with their folks?

The obstacles vary. Some are much luckier, some are not. Some manage to pull through, some do not.

I've seen people 'in' then out. I feel helpless. People who had pledged their support yet back off. People who are more concern on marrying converts off on the pretext of security etc (I'm not against marriage but the thought about it is actually being suggested so that there is SOMEONE to finally take over the 'duty' of taking care irks me). People who look out for outer appearance (i.e tudung) rather than checking on the ibadah or amal.

I tend to be emotional. Sorry.

Alhamdulillah, really, for brothers and sisters who have abundant support around them. May Allah continue to shower you with the strength to go on and copious guidance in life.

It's not I'm against the idea of announcing it to the world that you are a Muslim and be proud of it, but think also of the consequences and welfare of all the parties.

To make it mandatory, to incorporate in into the law? I don't know...

Sister Shafiqa, what's your take on this and perhaps you would like to share too?

In KL or Peninsular Malaysia, temporary shelters are plenty.

In KK there are gazetted houses for new converts where they can stay for a short time.

In Kuching, sad to note, there's none of the above. There are rented hostels but maximum is three days if I'm not mistaken. Thing is, just A FEW days! Something is being done to improve this particular department, yet it seems still a long way to go. Why, what, is causing the delay, I don't know.

Where is protection going to come from? Anyway, I once touched a little on this subject. Here.

Frankly, there is not enough of man-power, and those who are willing to go all out into the fields.

Da'wah doesn't end there when you have finally converted someone. It's a continuous responsibility (if you can call it so). Personally, I feel that da'wah is a way of life. On how you carry yourself. Actions speak louder than words.

Fatihah Nur Izzati means the beginning of the light of truth/nobility. I pray that through a life well-lived, I can be a living testimonial on the beauty and greatness of Islam. Same goes for fellow muslimin and muslimat. Allahuakhbar. Ameen.

Whatever that comes along, I pray and hope it will be the best for everyone.

Blogging break

Hear ye! Hear ye!

heheheeee... =D

I got myself some new books at a super duper great bargain during the book fair. 5 books at a mere RM126. Mind you, the books here on average cost about RM10 more (each!) than those you find in Kinokuniya. I got several self-help books too plus some reading materials and workbooks for my cousins. I was so carried away that I had just enough left to pay for a pen and a decent plate of nasi kerabu with a glass of iced longan. =P

I got some of Grisham's and McNaught's. My friend opts to complete her Sidney Sheldon's. Another friend is going to lend me some of her books too. Life's a bliss!

I think from now on I'm just going to snuggle under the duvet with a glass of cold milk with some cookies or chocolates and read away...

*wonderful*

School Meme

After the last entry yesterday, I had a small chat with a friend. I guess I just needed to talk to someone whenever I find myself stuck in such mud pool. It's not a mud pool, really. It was a tough crossroad.

My friend reminded me of a very important lesson in life. Never have regrets over your decisions. He said he gave away his opportunity to study in the US and he has no qualms over it. I had decided on B when he asked me to go for A, but that does not matter at all. It's just that I appreciate him taking the time to comfort me though not that successful in calming me down but I managed to log off with a smile. [and while typing this entry he called a few minutes ago to check on me, how sweet can he get...]

More of today's occurrence shows that I've made the right move. Alhamdulillah. Though I have to let go of such a golden opportunity, it's ok I guess. , it'to let go of such a golden opputunity eAit. in life.

Saw this meme on Kak Haida's.

I've always had fond memories of schooling days. So here goes:

How many schools did I go to?

I attended Primary One in SRK Green Road. Simply because my dad's working there. My dad is not a teacher though. The next year my dad was transferred to Divisional Office and I was also transferred to a school nearby his office which is known as SRB St.Faith then. After the circular by the ministry few years back, it was changed to SK St.Faith. At the beginning of last year, they stopped taking in students for Standard 1. Something about taking over the school’s land for development purposes. Somewhere along the line, I hazily recall my father wanted to arrange for my transferransfer me again yet again. It was to SK St.Mary. I refused to leave my friends so I stayed on till Primary 6. It is in this school I developed a penchant for our national language. I spoke bahasa melayu baku throughout my 5 years studying there. In that 5 years too, I secured the best student in BM without fail.

Into secondary. I rejected the offer to SM Sains Kuching. I was not ready for boarding school plus my mum was not willing to let me got too. I got into SM Kebangsaan St.Mary Kuching instead (and oh yes, I know of our sisters school in KL and Sandakan).my mum was not willing to let me got too. d to leave my friends so i After the results were out for PMR, I was offered a place in MRSM Kuching. I didn’t want to leave my friends so I turned down the offer. I loyally stayed put as a Marian throughout my remaining school years.


Was I the studious nerd, or the last minute hero?

Nerd, no... Studious, not really. While not a champion, and since idleness is also a norm, I know I had to motivate myself not to procrastinate too much. I'm not some genius kid or a smart-ass like my bro, so I know I have to plan/study in advance. I just prefer if things were on time. I do tend to emphasis on details a little.

Was I the class 'taiko' or the teacher's pet?

I won't say a taiko exactly. Nor the teachers' pet unerringly. Both statements would be like mixing oil and water.

However, I can say that I managed to play both roles quite diligently without offending any party along the way. Looking back, I guess what happened was I defended the rights and look towards the students' best interest in any cases, while also assuming the position as a respectful and well-mannered student to the teachers.

Some stories to share yea.

Once,once,stories to share yea. teachers. the prefectorial board launched a cold war with two teachers namely the discipline teachers. It lasted for more than a week when we were called in for a meeting and the teachers apologised and one of them actually cried. Of course I was feeling guilty to the brim. On the other hand I felt the need to stand up for my friends too. It was a very trying moment there ok. Alhamdulillah, everything ended well anyway, till now; I still maintain good rapport with the two teachers.

I managed to realise our dreams of making the first prefectorial board farewell celebration to our seniors in a resort! Usually it would be held at night cum dinner in the school compound. We wanted it different. We went all out to do it despite being looked down by some teachers and seniors too. We had it two days and a night, inclusive of a seafood dinner. Bertuah nya seniors.

Despite all the remonstration and disputes, we maintained a good relationship too with the teachers. I won't be a sour grape. I can't afford too, and I malas nak melayan menda remeh temeh nieh sebenarnya. Personally, who were not nakal in their days? So long it's nothing major, I'll let them off the hook. Setakat corrections pens, bubble gum, cassettes or vcd is ok. Not ok is when they're cigarettes, psychotropic pills, not pinning your baju kurung, not wearing singlet for muslim girls not wearing tudung, those irks me out. =P

Bunch of demerit forms that got to my hands never arrived at the teachers. Let me share why. I believe that action speaks louder than words and people actually KNOW you. Though I tolerated the students in many areas, they perceived me the strictest person too. And they actually like me for that. Nasib baik... heheheee...

How garang can I get? I once chased a group of three girls (I think) on the street because I saw them already in the school compound yet they went out again. I just know they are up to no good so I pursued them lah. I bet they didn't see that coming. hahahaaa...

Students are our main informants too of any happenings around the school. And I like the way we worked things out then. Unlike what I hear of the school now. I wish these 'elected leaders' know how to go about and learn a thing or two on PR.

I've always maintained a close relationship with the teachers. Not kissing up to them. Just close. How many of us actually get to share meals with your teachers in school kan? The first time it happened I punya lah segan, tapi lepas tuh biasa dah. I don't mind doing favours for teachers but I know my limits too so as not to be their 'pet'.

Anyways, a taiko or not, doesn't matter, I ended my school years in high spirits. hts and happenedles.

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?

I didn't any. hehehee...

However, there was one time we were in charge of decorating the halls for Teacher's Day. Only my assistant and I had the consent to go out during school hours to purchase stuffs. Anything such as ribbons, cello tapes, wrapping papers etc. Often on our way, we would tapau packed food for the rest of our camaraderie. Once, we bump into two of our teachers having their morning break at that shop. Tak lah kalut sangat sebab tahu cikgu tuh sporting. hahahaaa... It did not seem to hinder the both of us still. Instead, during an outing, the both of us went really far on the pretext of purchasing stuff (somewhere that took us a 10-15 mins walk) just to enjoy a plate of... ROTI CANAI!!! Giler berani siot!

It was fun. I did lots of crazy stuff with my assistant. She was also my mentor and guide in running the affairs of the board. She was a great person. She was among my greatest supporter even to this day. =)

Three subjects I enjoyed

Bahasa Melayu - I developed the liking for this subject ever since I was a young girl. I read a lot of BM materials ranging from Didik, Dewan Pelajar, Dewan Siswa, novels, cerita hikayat, to Gila-Gila, Ujang etc. I’m lucky that I happen to be fond of my BM teachers too since Standard 2.

However, those Alaf 21 novels, I only started reading them during my uni days. Previously I read more DBP novels.

I guess reading maketh a man.

Music Education - ours was the only school in the state having music education as a subject taught in school. I was active in the choir, dikir barat, gamelan and caklempong team. I enjoyed my time indulging in everything music related during those days. There was a particular year we learnt several dance steps including ballroom dancing. Oh, I will marry the first guy who'll give me a dip! =P

What else? Sejarah, Geography, Maths, Science, Biology (I like the subject but not the teacher...heheee), Physic (I like the teacher but he was quite poor in his teaching). Chemistry, nothing much to remember of.

Well, I don't know why I wasn't particularly in love with English during school. I had great teachers. I was involved in English publications, choral speaking and forum, yet I don't know why I wasn't love-struck with the subject then unlike now.

So, I don't have a third favourite subject. =P

Three teachers that inspired me

This is tough. I think I'll end up with more than three. I'll just start from primary school to make things easier. So, in no particular order.

Cikgu Bunian - I know the name sounds funny. heh. She was my class teacher in Standard 2 and 3 and she developed my love for BM. She was the one who trains me for competitions during those days. Those were my stepping stones to have more confidence in anything I did.

Cikgu Hashim - My class teacher for Standard 4,5 and 6 who is also my BM teacher for the three consecutive years. I was bullied into believing that I was a teacher's pet, but heck I don't care. I was too young to be bothered with those stories. He had also played a role in boosting my self-confidence.

Cikgu Wilhelmina - Our English and Music teacher. During my initial years in that school I was timid and ill at ease of myself and my surroundings. She had complained to my parents that I don’t greet the teachers 'enough'. When my parents told me and advised me on that, I was a little annoyed. Good thing is, since then I tend to greet anyone I know on the streets. "Hello uncle" "Good morning aunty"

Cikgu Annette - She was the teacher who told us not to be a Jack or Jane, with all work and no play. She told us the importance of balancing life and getting to know even the latest news in entertainment, not just be too absorbed with our studies. What provoked her comments? She saw none of us brought entertainment magazines to school!

In secondary;

Cikgu Noraza - A petite, charming, fair-skinned lady who looks really cute in tudung. There was one conversation I had with her before she got transferred back to Kelantan that I will never forget for the rest of my life. She shared a lot with me off-school hours and taught me great deal of lessons in life. But, she is also one strict lady with a sharp tongue, mind you. There was one time, during her class; somehow I was called outside of class to discuss stuff with several different parties and she was of course irritated that her class is being interrupted often. I was pissed too. I guess she dah hilang sabar that she exclaimed (when I was again called outside the classroom, I was walking and...) "Kalau dah busy sangat tuh mengalahkan menteri, baik awak angkat je erent parties and she rest of my life. kerusi meja tu dan duduk kat luar kelas" Fuh! Malu tidak terkira masa tu. ishk... I think the whole class was shocked too and I think you can hear a pin dropped. Sudahnya, I scolded the girls who wanted to see me too. hahahaaa... tension betul masa tuh.

Even so, I love her no less. I did dropped by her house during Raya in 2003 but she was not in. I was on my way from Terengganu to Tanjung Malim then. So, since she left in 2000 I've never met her. Hope to meet her anytime soon.

Cikgu Kuswady - Our class teacher in 1997. We gave him a wallet that he still uses up till last year when I last met him in school. Kedekut jugak cikgu nieh, atau sentimental value bagi dia? heheheee... we had a blast with him as our form teacher. And I've never failed to visit him for Raya since 1997 except in 2003 and 2005 when I was not around in Kch. It seems like will have to give it a miss again this year. He's a great teacher. A good sport and adores us as much as we do him.

Cikgu Shahizam - Class teacher for 1999 and 2000. Giler lawak cikgu nieh. Loyar buruk pun iye jugak. Kedah mai. He used to tell us that when he n his wife first got transferred to Sarawak the wife mati-mati didn't want to come, yet now, when he wants to go back to his hometown, the wife mati-mati tak nak balik. hahahaaa... he was always behind our back, giving us advices and how to plot against certain teachers. heh. Giler best kan. If there's a spot-check, he and his best buddy Cikgu Solomon will keep the vcds for the students. Dorang pun tumpang pinjam. I malas nak comment. heh. Cikgu Shahizam gave me a lengthy testimonial in my school leaving cert which I appreciate a lot. I will still look for him every time I'm back in school.

There's also of course Mrs.Lu (who bakes excellent shepherd's pie), Mr.Siva (admirable English accent), Mdm.Ivy (a lovely lady with superb vocab), Ms.Wilarmy (who instilled the sense of leadership in me and very supportive, understanding and reasonable), Mdm.Linda Ong (my principal, a great lady with admirable traits, simply no another. She still hugs and gives me pecks and she's the reason why I'm inspired to be a principal one day), Cikgu Hadiah (the nicest sets of baju kurungs, elegance in simplicity), Ustazah Norhayati (supportive, gentle, kind, and which her mother had adopted me as a daughter)s of baju kurungs)erstanding and reasonable) and many more others.

I guess I don't really remember them individually inspiring me. Each and every one of them have played immense roles in my life, moulding me to be what I am today, and I'm very thankful for all the precious lessons and experiences they've given me.

Maybe this year I'll finally deliver the cake I've pledged ages ago for the upcoming Teacher's Day celebration in May.

Cubalah untuk mengerti
Cubalah menghayati
Apa tersirat di hatihe wife mati-mati tak nak balik. hahahaaa.go back to his hometown, awak the wife d a blast with him as our form teacher. ..hahaaa.I scolded the girls who wanted to see me too.

Tough call...

The first path will lead me to an opportunity in a field I've always wanted to explore. Something I know I would enjoy doing. Though I'm not quite sure if it's something I really set my heart for. But it would be a challenge, since am still young and I have all the time in the world to explore, see the sights and learn. Then again, do I really have the bonus of those few years to experiment on?

The second path is something I can see myself doing for 25 years or so. Being a freaking fretful this seems like the best option to fall into and which my parents would approve of. This path however will take a slightly longer period to come true. Once you're in, you're in, and will be working upwards too.

The former however can be realised now. The most within a month perhaps. I've got the call and unthinkingly said no, and now I'm having second thoughts about it. Stupid me!

The reason I said no initially is because considering the fact that I'm already tied up (if not tied down) with this teaching job. So, how oh how? If I stick to this teaching job, clearly my path is leading to the second course.

Let's see if they will give another call esok. Kalau ada maka ada lah. If not, I've lost it. huhuuuu...

Thing is, I guess, I won't be so terkilan knowing I've tried and not doing well rather than gave things up without even setting a foot in.

Question is; where do I want to be? And why? Do I really want that? I don't know... I (think I) should start doing lists on both options.

Tough... very tough...ee' ould start doing lists on both options. lau t that

Crossroads...

How do I cope?

How do I decide?

These are rezeki, I should not be complaining (I am not) but I'm clueless on what's the next best step. I can't be too greedy...

I need HELP. These are all a little overwhelming. I'm grateful, Alhamdulillah, but I don't know how to decide. How oh How...


*shall go and try seeking guidances from HIM and every corner reachable*

Procedures & Bureaucracy

Never ever blog in the middle of the night when your mood is all mellow yet blue.

Recap of the day.

We were at the Land Survey Dept to arrange the transfer of my late grandma's land to my aunt. Unfortunately since the lands are situated in Saratok, we would have to refer to Betong LSD. That is 3 1/2 hours drive from Kch. Still, we didn't have much choice. It would of course be convenient to ask the lawyers to do it but it'd be slightly costly. My dad has had enough favours from his buddy. So, they decided they would drive down to Betong tomorrow morning.

Next stop was at B*N. We wanted to close down my grandma's account and transfer the remaining money into my aunt's account. Here we practically wasted 3 hours. There was a huge crowd and the officers that attended to us were not being helpful. Upon reaching our turn at the counter we still have to fill certain forms and we were asked to go to the DO to get the forms certified. The death cert and Letter of Admin is there, so why still the need to get those certifications? It was really troublesome. Nevertheless, what say have we? We went to the DO anyway to get those forms certified.

One more thing is to have many, many photocopies of the documents because you'll never know how many would be needed.

Since tomorrow the elders are going to Betong, I am to baby-sit here. They will only be back in the evening. I thought of bringing the kids to the book fair. We’ll see how things go.

I saw a digi cam I quite like. Am still contemplating. Mine, I gave it to my bro before he left for NZ. Thought that it maybe more handy for him. He's generous yet he can be quite stingy at times though he's so far richer than I am. There was one time what he earned in a week is equivalent to my one-month salary here. Not that I mind. He's far, so it's ok for us to make sure he has enough to spend lah.

I hope he won't give too many excuses if I insist he comes back at the end of the year coz he’s been telling us he’s not coming back for the next two years due to him having to complete his 4 months industrial training. He's dividing the 4 months to 2 months each for the 2nd and 3rd year. So, it means he still have one month plus holiday each year, so balik lah kan. Kesian my mum. he's 4 months industrial training. yearso spend.lah. ent

I'm actually waiting for a guest to arrive nieh. Half an hour to go.

The opening ceremony to the Commonwealth Games. Anyone watched it? It was ok. I learnt a lot of countries' names. =P

I guess I'll switch to some TV now.

Nites.

Biarkan cinta ini hadir...

l cwitch to some TV now. mmonwealth Games. Anyone watched it? go.

A sweet thought

There are 6 billion people around the world. You know why I keep on messaging you? Simply because... 5 999 999 999 can't replace a single you!

Ain't that sweet? The text came in soon after I've texted Hani and Kak Nor. That was from Wani. She lah yang akan tie the knot end of this year. I am so excited about it. The first of my friends yang akan menjejak alam rumah tangga. Baik dan lawa budaknya. She's also a temporary teacher in her hometown.

Kak Nor told me that Dr. asked about me. I've always adored this lady. She does have her tantrums (which XX doesn't?) but they were still tolerable. Being a deputy dean she doesn't have much choice other than being an authoritarian. She has never directly bombarded me and well, so long we don't step on each other's foot we're ok. Why I like her style is maybe seeing her reminds me of myself at work too. She was my thesis supervisor and the only lecturer I've been keeping in touch with till now. Our last contact was when she called me a month back. We correspond through emails and texts too. I still remembered last year's AF when she was a fan of Felix. eheheee... such a cute lady. Owh, I miss her. I thought of giving her this blog url but then, maybe not just yet. Perhaps after I've improved my writings. Or else she'll probably start editing my posts for me (literally). As for now, e-mail will do. ;)

Better start on the short update now. Good night peeps!

Under the weather

With the HFMD cases escalating and everyone is down with a combo of or either a fever, cold and cough of late, I am worried over my father and my little cousin.

My dad has been coughing for the past few days and it doesn't seem to get better. He's been taking some medication from the pharmacy and he finally went to see a doctor yesterday. The cough has not improved as of this time, but I hope everything will be fine for him and my cousin.

When your old folks are down with illness at this age, it worries you to death. I am constantly praying that my parents will have good health. When I recited the Yassin last night, and I heard my dad's cough downstairs, I had tears in my eyes. Over and over again, I prayed that my parents will be in the pink of health, so does my brother who is so far away. I miss that little brat sometimes.

There was one time we were at the airport lounging around after the check-in. Since we had plenty of time to kill; we wanted to purchase some chocs, alas none to our liking. So we decided to sit in front of the choc outlet. Then the most sordid thing happened before our very eyes.

You know those choc always selling for 6.90/100g or 7.90/100g. A jar full of white chocolates tumbled onto the floor. I saw a girl picking the chocolates up. In my head I was so positive that she was going to discard it somewhere else. Suddenly... she poured those chocolates she had just picked up from the floor into the same jar for display together with the clean chocolates! My brother was enraged. My mum just gasped. I wished we had a camera phone to capture that scene! And post it on The Star or NST. From behind the door I saw another girl carrying a broom and dustpan. She must have meant to sweep those chocolates away. She was as taken aback as we were it seems. Suddenly I noticed this lady who seems like the owner with her hands resting on her hips and was mumbling something. Oh my goodness, this cheapskate lady. Unbelievable!

We had our eyes fixed on them the whole time and yet that lady boss can selamba badak instructed all that. What a shame. She chooses to neglect hygiene over personal gain.

Kiddingly, I asked if my mum or bro had stepped on any pooh since we are indirectly contributing to the level of contamination to those chocs since we were the last customers walking in there. I told my mum and bro, next time, purchase only wrapped chocs.

Mentalities of those whom you assumed are smart, up-to-the-minute and civilised sometimes caught you off guard. was as taken aback as we were it seems. s away. or into the same jar

Spending quality time...

After dinner, I saw 5 miscalls on my phone. Few seconds later an incoming call. I only had 20mins to take bath and get ready.

I thought I won't make a good company at the state that I am at the moment tapi rupanya kecoh juga. Well, I do need that time to chill out as a matter of fact.

Baini and Farrah had to give me extra minutes coz when they arrived I've just finished my bath.

We decided to have dinner at MyKampung in Waterfront. Leeches! Tempat cekik darah! And not all the food served is a pleasure for your taste bud. Roti John (so-called submarine) and a basket of fries cost RM7 each. Last time I thought it was only RM6. Petrol pun baru naik 0.30.

It's not the food and ambience that matters. It was great company. Talking about spending quality time. ;)

It's been a long, long time since we last enjoyed each other's company. There are still missing cliques due to differing locations, nevertheless we had wished for their presence deep down. The three of us sat there from 8.30pm till 12am! We touched on various subject matters (and who says ladies generally speaks about workload and relationships only, not capable of having decent conversations (?), majority perhaps but not all the time) from the upcoming elections, government and opposition coalition, social ills, school admin, price hike, books, economic, even deviationist teachings, (to which Farrah suddenly exclaimed maybe we should be ministers; where I gave her the "are you sure?" looks and more deep thought questions and we gave up answering... hahahaaa...) and of course not forgetting AF which brought us to Mawi then Siti, fashion, entertainment industry, movies, cerita hantu, which leads Baini to suggesting us all to slumber in her house. hahahaaa... How time flies as you reminisced on the past and actually more than a decade had passed on since then.. hhmmm...

Before heading home, sempat lagi singgah McD. We all had the Smarties McFlurry. Yummy! Malam-malam buta masih mampu mencekik lagi. Farrah was purposely agitating me by arguing over the 3cents balance. Kecoh tol. The McD waiter and waitress were also laughing along. I don't know whether they understood our joke, but I guess they were laughing at us laughing. We were loud, it just never occurred to me (us) to control cun. You know your place right? When and where to carry the right attitude? In which reminded me about one of our earlier discussions; are girls from all-girl school more snobbish that the ones from co-ed school? To this I replied, perhaps not the word snobbish, but somewhat a certain level of confidence. Bitchy? I think we all have a little of that in us. Anyways, I don't think it's an apt topic to be preached about. Personality is individuality. A combo of the past and present, surroundings, teachings and experiences.

Upon reaching home, we decided on a game of Scrabble, and we ended up sleeping only at 4am! huhuuu... seksa mataku...

We woke up at 6am and decided to have breakfast at this Chinese cafe, which served halal cuisine. It's not like we're lacking of halal outlets in Kch, but halal and satisfactory is a tough mission.

Which reminds me about the two new outlets in town, one is serving Southern Indian food and the other Italian cuisine. I think I would enjoy the former more. Still, the latter is among the favourites too, provided they are good.

Am off to run some errands now. Have a nice day peeps!

Jika...

Jika aku jatuh cinta, cintakanlah aku
pada seseorang yang melabuhkan cintanya padaMu
agar bertambah kekuatanku untuk menyintaiMu...

Jika aku jatuh hati, izinkanlah aku
menyentuh hati seseorang yang hatinya tertaut padaMu
agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta nafsu...

Jika aku jatuh hati jagalah hatiku
padanya agar tidak berpaling daripada hatiMu.....

Jika aku rindu, rindukanlah aku
pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalanMu....

Jika aku menikmati cinta kekasihMu
janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan
indahnya bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhirMu....

Jika aku jatuh hati pada kekasihMu
jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh dalam
perjalanan panjang menyeru manusia kepadaMu....

Jika Kau halalkan aku merindui kekasihMu
jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas
sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki
dan rindu abadi hanya kepadaMu...

....Ameen.....


It may still be a long shot.. but, at least there's a reason to be content and smiling about... =D

In Loving Memory

We're still coping with my grandma's lost.

It has been a very busy week, and I think I shall just jot some down in here for remembrance.

My late grandmother was 76 years old the day the Lord called her back.

I got the news when I was still in school. I was literally numbed when I read my Mum's text and quickly arranged for a few days leave. After that, I didn't know what (exactly) to do. I have another class to go into but at the same time I want to rush home too.

When I arrived at my aunt's place, they had already bathed and clothed my grandma. It was already late in the evening so only few relatives and family friends managed to drop by. An uncle was still stuck with a meeting in Miri. Another uncle is on his way back from our kampung. That night we all 'camp' next to my grandma's body. We were supposed to stay up, but I was too exhausted and fell asleep in between chats.

Next day by 6am, we were already on the go. My aunt went to school to inform about her absence, and my parents went for some grocery shopping. My cousin arrived that same morning from Mukah. When everyone is back in the house, we once again divided the tasks. My cousin and a few others will be staying at home and start preparing meals for people who'll be flooding the house to pay their last respects. (we were thankful that my cousin is a chef as he was the one who foresee all the meals are catered for the whole week)

The rest of us went to buy the coffin. And my first time being so involved and had to do the death cert and do more grocery shopping. By 3pm we're done. And I was already pening-pening lalat due to lacking of proper rest.

My grandma was an Iban and a Christian. Usually, the body will be buried on the third day, but since we had to wait for the return of an uncle and some other relatives from other parts of the state, we postponed another day.

It was tedious attending and ensuring everyone is comfortably settled down with a decent meal.

The night before the burial is called the Vigil Night (I think lah?). In the Iban custom it differs slightly. After the prayers, some respected elders will stand up and speak about the life of my grandmother. It can drag onto 2 or 3am. But, thank God, it ended at about 12am that night. We are just slightly bit more modern and decided why burn everyone's oil as the next day is going to be another long day? I myself dosed off at 11pm and woke up finding the event had ended. This particular night we had over 150 guests. How we know? Because my aunt catered food for 150 and there were no more plates left and we had to take out our own plates. We didn't ask my cousin to cook on this particular night because that would be too much to ask for. The rest of the nights we had an average of less than 100 so it's ok. I really admired my cousin for his efforts.

The burial service is to take place at the cathedral at 9am on March 4th.

I read her analogy. I was trying so hard to fight back tears on the pew. Seeing my father and aunt cried moments before was not a helpful thought either. Stepping down, I was crying endlessly. When we had another last look at my grandma before they locked the casket, there were tears streaming from her eyes. It was very touching for us.

Given a choice I know my grandmother would want to stay on. However, she knows that she had had enough too. She was ready to take her leave. She told us so many times how pleased she was to see where the children and grandchildren are at this point. My grandmother is illiterate but she's very passionate about education. She had always reminded me to pursue my MSc. And for that, three of her grandchildren were not around as they're in the States and NZ. She's also very up to date about the latest news. Seronok melayan celoteh dia tanya kenapa, di mana etc.

Still... how I wished she still had another year to at least see my cousin tying the knot. That is the part I am kinda terkilan of. If it was not because of her illness, she would have still been in the pink of health. ffinmissing her. many. ed, it simply But we all have had our share of her remarkable love. We have a lot to be thankful for her life.

Though you know her time is nearing, when it finally happened, it simply just still doesn't make sense that she's no longer going to be here.

She was a great grandmother. So loving and caring yet a firm lady in her principles. Her faith is very admirable.

It was a comfort seeing her being loved by so many. She had many flowers and people missing her. The whole burial was a smooth one.

After the burial, three nights in a row, special prayer sessions were held.

After three nights then the crowd subsided. My family are having dinner at my aunt's place every night now so as to keep them company. I still have not had the courage to enter my late grandma's room yet. My cousin is sleeping on her bed. The thought of that itself caused tears to well up.

My grandma had 5 children and the youngest past away in 1993, soon after he returned from England. My father is the second child. My grandma has 10 grandchildren, of which are four girls and six boys.

She'll remained in our thoughts forever and continue to be our inspiration.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

On the other hand, Kak Hani and Abg Fendy are going to be engaged this March 12th.

Wanie is going to tie the knot soon. A very good excuse to finally go up to Pulau Mutiara.

My dad and my aunt were discussing about my cousin's marriage plans. They want my cousin to obtain a degree along the way coz his future fiancee is a graduate herself. It saddened me hearing how my dad and my mum talked about weddings because that is one area I have denied them what they hope for and I just don't know what to do. (and it is (also) comforting to know that my dad is protective in some sort of ways and it made me think a lot that he would have reacted just the same like cik ayah, pakcik A and uncle H).

Another friend meanwhile is deeply stricken with her love life and her sister even texted me to give continuous encouragements and support. And I did just that, and still am. They are flying down to Kch in two weeks time.

Itu lah. Mak ayah mana, kakak, abang mana yang nak tengok anak/adik dorang unhappy kan? Hikmah tersembunyi tidak terjangkau dek fikiran kita. Akur lah nasihat orang tua.

Adakah diri ini sememangnya kuat atau pura cuma?
Hidup bukan tentang apa yang sepatutnya tetapi apa yang sewajarnya.
Pemergian sebentar hanya...

Nenda tercinta telah meninggalkan dunia yang fana ini dan pergi menyahut seruan Illahi pada jam 1720.

Maybe... he's just not that into you...

This is really funny. Was watching Oprah and the topic today was on relationships. I was smiling all the way through and through and thought that (hey!) maybe I can get these books for some of my friends that might find them helpful. I don't how good are they as self-help books but I guess they must be good enough to appear on Oprah.

Two of the books got my attention and well, I went online to check them out. And the books were on offer too. Good catches there.

We have our Kelab Olahraga every Wednesday morning. Treated the boys and girls to some light snacks. I've never bought anything from the canteen before. The karipap sucks. The crust was ok, but not the fillings. It's as if they merely stir-fried the potatoes with curry powder. Yucks!

Wanted to blog about the call I got from A*M, but, let's leave it out. I can't really recall the details anymore anyway. Decided to pass the offer to Hani.

It seems like a beautiful day today...